Bosveldgroete!

Having gone around the sun a few times on this spaceship called earth and recently celebrating just such a birthday, BK finds himself in a strange mood today…

Reading about the trials and tribulations of the Vaderland doesn’t help much to lift your mood, if you know what I mean. The corruption of T-Bone Mbeki’s “goewerment”, and the desperation of those that are left behind – and who are trying so hard to leave – make for trying reading. While we that have taken the steps to ensure (as much as you can ensure) our safety and wellbeing, including personal happiness and contentment, are trying our best to help those that haven’t seen the light, so to speak, it is the most difficult thing on earth to try and change someone else’s mind. The proverbial horse and the water story…

The problem is of course that most people have a slow but sure plunge into unhappiness – and need a wake-up call to motivate them to do something about it. While a swift kick in the backside does it for some, sadly the rest need a painful incident to open their eyes to the dangers around them. BK wishes everyday of his life that he could have an instant travel device – like on Star Trek – to bring South Africans here for a brief BK tour. It is easy to show people our beautiful parks, but much more difficult to convince them that it is safe for even women to jog after dark. BK can show off the schools, but will not be believed when remarking how the children can cycle to school. BK can even show people the cheap car prices, but how do you tell someone in South Africa that a car is not a status symbol, and that money is not important? There the only measure of success is the car in the driveway, the house in the rich neighbourhood and the obvious spending to show how rich they are. Here BK’s measure of success is the enjoyment of those beautiful parks and beaches – being able to go for a swim without worrying whether your car will be there when you get back. And not having to fight off 5 car guards. Going to the mountain for a weekend, and knowing the tv, hi-fi, DVD player and microwave will still be there when we get back. Enjoying the view through the kitchen window without having to look through burglar bars.

BK’s guess is that the reason ex-SAs do so well in Oz and Kiwiland is that all the energy they are used to spending in SA on being alert and safe can here be spent on productive things.

Join BK in helping to convince our friends and family that there is another option – and that they shouldn’t wait…

Bosveldgroete!

To say that BK is confused is putting it mildly – he’s as mixed up as cat puke in a tumble dryer! And if you are/want to/have immigrated (or is that emigrated?) to the land of milk and honey (or is that Mortlock and Howard?) you will know exactly what I’m talking about – or not know, but know that you don’t know, if you know what I mean…

Between the RPLs and the IELTSes I’ve lost my SOH (sense of humour), I mean I understand that they want to know that I can speak “rooitaal” – why don’t they just come for a braai and a lekker kuier, then they wil see not only can BK talk Ingels, but after a few dops can also sing it very nicely! I mean, the King didn’t sing Blou Geborselde Leer Skoene (Blue Suede Shoes)!
Then there’s the ACS and the DIACs SOL (which is the Skilled Occupations List, not the beer from Mexico), the MODL and the ETA…and if that’s not enough, there’s the 1276, the 47A, and they also want to know if you are an all round nice guy (Form 80).

That’s why I think a lekker braai will solve all the immigration problems – they will see sommer quickly that BK is not only a good English speaker, but can sing all the tunes in English, is an all round nice guy (Form 80), should be on the SOL as a BBB (BoBaas Braaier) and can also be added to the Migration Occupation Demand List as a SVvF – ‘n Storie Verteller van Formaat!

Bosveldgroete!

Finally! BK has learned to speak and understand Kiwi… As you know, BK is a very patient person and can sit and watch others work for hours on end. Not that I am lazy or anything, but I find that my keen sense of observation works best if I sit slightly leaned back with my legs stretched out and my eyes not too wide open. I find it best to sit in this position when studying my new countrymen (and women) and learn from their behaviour how it is that I should be acting as a new Kiwi, so to speak.

Where was I? Oh, the language… Well, this is what it sounds like to the untrained ear: “Laast wake yew paaked your caar at the mare’s house for thê-jir annual paarty. Sew after a short tie-um after they gave him the kai of the city, he said a fee-yew quake words.” Which actually means: “Last week you parked your jammie outside the mayor’s possie, had a dop en listened to him flapping his lips about some key or something.”

What I’m trying to say is that it is hard for a new immigrant like BK to “tune” in your ears to the way these ouens speak, but that when you get used to it, it sounds almost like English. But to try to talk like them is impossible – BK will have a real dutchman accent for the rest of his life. Which is a good thing on the one hand, when strangers greet you in supermarkets because they heard that you – like them – are far from home and are just trying to make it as best as you can. But on the other hand, you will always be branded an outsider – a Johnny-come-lately that don’t belong. BK was driving behind a guy the other day that threw his garbage out of his car window – so of course, being a supporter of keeping this, our only planet, clean and liveable, stopped next to him and told him that what he did was not nice. When hearing BK’s accent the guy’s first response was to say: “Go back to where you came from”. It’s times like that when we realise that we are and always will be South Africans.

Bosveldgroete!

There you have it now – All Blacks 512, Italy 10…or that’s what it seemed like. Especially since we have to have a “dop” when the ABs score – which meant the ABs first game of the World Cup was a very festive occasion…if you know what I mean. We are of course hoping for a very prolific World Cup effort from the above-mentioned team.

BK has already mentioned that the pool selections for this WC seems a bit fishy…but if they intended for the select teams to progress through the ranks so to speak, the first upset is of course the French losing to the Argentinean team. I don’t think anyone saw that one coming… But it’s still early days, as they say.

On an entirely different note, BK has just returned from a short visit to the land of the jumbucks – and let me just say that the weather is only surpassed by the friendliness of the locals and the beauty of the, well more beautiful gender. Having had a shortage of all of the former here in Kiwiland, it was a nice change – especially because us ex-SAs love the sunshine so much and are feeling a bit untanned here, if you know what I mean.

BK still does not understand all of the customs in Australia, but being a seasoned traveller, knows that to ask is out of the question, and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery after all. So even though I felt a bit uncomfortable taking all my clothes off on the beach, you have to do as the Romans do, as they say. Or maybe “Nudist beach” wasn’t the name of the beach?

Bosveldgroete!

People sometimes ask BK if he misses South Africa, and then BK thinks it’s the same as banging your head on a wall – not so lekker, but, man, it’s so nice when you stop! It’s difficult to say whether a person misses South Africa or not – because there’s so many things to it. Some we don’t miss. Like the crime, the violence, the affirmative action, the employment equity, the “goewerment”…among others.

But some things we do miss… Apart from friends and family, of course, there is the smell of fynbos, the rumbling sound the elephants make – almost too low to hear, it’s more a feeling here in your chest than in your ears, watching them cross the river with each one holding on to the tail of the next one with their trunks. The yip-yip sound of the Wild dogs when they’re sharing a meal, the cough of the lion in the early evening just when you’re finished eating around the campfire and are sharing the comfortable silence (and a few beers!) listening to the night sounds… Watching the Wild dogs hunting – each one splitting off from the main group as they approach the rooibok and circling in opposite directions. Then the chase – the rooibok gets driven exactly into the waiting jaws of the flankers, each movement of the pack timed with military precision. And then the feast – everybody eats and allows others to eat, no fighting over food. What a great example they are to us! BK gets very sad when he thinks that the Wild dog is the highest on the list of nearly extinct animals in Africa. We never learn from our mistakes and just take, never give, until there is nothing left.

Yes, BK misses South Africa sometimes, but there will always be a piece of it in our hearts and our memories.

Bosveldgroete!

So there BK was – looking like a mossie on his first solo flight, what with khaki pants pockets stuffed full of all kinds of goodies and looking to buy more! It was the Treeworx annual field day at Matamata just an hour or so south of Auckland, and BK being a keen woodturner was looking to lay his hands on some rare finds. Apart from the usual tools, wood blanks, sandpapers, glues, waxes, polishes, varnishes and the like, the local experts also demonstrated their skills and tried to pass that knowledge along to us.

If you can find it, the NZ Honeysuckle, or as it’s called here, the Rewarewa wood is a very beautiful wood for bowls and plates – it has a colour similar to a cup of coffee with milk, but with specks about the size of those Groot Marico ants. Some pieces have the outer layer under the bark which is yellow like farm butter, so the finished bowl looks almost camouflaged!

Other woods to look for is NZ Kauri – there are some pieces that have been under the swamps for 35 000 years! So it’s called Swamp Kauri…and it is lovely and golden when turned. Others are the very light coloured Matai (almost like geelhout), Tutoki, Pohutokawa (New Zealand’s Christmas trees – it has red flowers like a bottlebrush, but only over Christmas!), Black Marae (no, not black Meraai!), BK even managed to lay his hands on a piece of River Red Gum – which is native to Australia.

With so many wood types it is almost as exciting to try each one as it is to try each type of beer here…almost.

Bosveldgroete!

BK heard an interesting word the other day: “Antipodean” which comes from the Greek “anti” which means opposite and “podean” which means end – in other words “the opposite end of the world” – or if you substitute “end” (as in rear-end) with “gat” (as in gatkant) – it makes sense what my Dad always says: “What did you have to move to the “gatkant” of the earth for?”

So BK was just thinking – what are the advantages of living here on the opposite side of the world than where we grew up? Not the reasons why we left – we all know that the crime there is a big problem, together with the affirmative action. What I’m talking about is what is better here than there?

For one thing, the cars are much cheaper – which also means that your tjorrie is not a status symbol. People buy cars for practical reasons – and if some backyard modifications are needed to make it better, then they don’t have a problem drilling holes in the roof to fit roofracks, or attach bike racks or the likes. Another advantage is that you can buy a clapped out tjorrie for $200 and enter it in the demolition derby at Waikaraka Park – but that’s a story for another time…

We always complained about the cost of things (when you’re young and poor) and wondered why they are so expensive. Now we have shops full of cheap things – imported from the east – and we know that the prices we paid then ensured a certain amount of quality. Here are cheap options, but they are not the same quality – which is fine for a child’s toy which is only supposed to last until they lose interest. But you don’t want a bobbejaanspanner breaking off  in your hand when you’re pulling with all your might!

Bosveldgroete!

Bk was reading the SAAustralia forum (www.saaustralia.org) and was very impressed with what he found there! There’s all these people who wants information about moving to Australia and are asking questions. The wonderful thing about it is the fact that those who have already arrived and have settled actually take the time and effort to answer those people! Magtag, man – isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? Where we all help each other, regardless of whether we expect anything in return. In SA we were all so caught up in the rat race (by the way – the rat race is over – the rats won) that we were not prepared to help each other. And we were all scared of helping – in case we were robbed or killed in the process… People were a lot more self-centred, if you know what I mean.

Here people are not only offering advice and opinions from their own experience, but are actually offering to take total strangers into their homes and helping them settle! BK loves it! People are giving advice on cost of living, good suburbs to live in, the weather – everything the new arrivals or those considering a move might want to know. So if you have any questions, or more likely, if you have any help to offer, please feel free to surf over to the forum.

Bosveldgroete!

BK once heard a story about a boertjie that was such a good “kerkmens” that God himself spoke to him and offered to give him a wish. He asked that, because he’s scared of flying, could God please build him a highway to Brisbane, Australia where his children have immigrated to, and he can take the bakkie to see them sometimes (BK thinks he must be retired because it will take him a while to drive there, if you know what I mean). So God thought about it a bit and asked him to if he didn’t maybe wanted something else, because this will be a little difficult. He scratched his head for a while and came up with another one: can God please grant him the ability to understand women? And God’s reply?”Ouboet, is dit plaaspad of teerpad wat jy soek??”

The point being that we men will never understand women…we will admire and desire them, worship them and even mostly obey them, but we will never understand them. Apparently (if BK understands correctly) men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. No wonder then that there is such miscommunication – we don’t speak Venusian!

They say to be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all… Maybe women just needs to understand that if something a man says can be interpreted in two ways, and one is nasty – we meant the other one…

Bosveldgroete!